So, I’m surfing word press, looking through different Posts, I’ve realized a lot of the posts seem to be about Political matters. I’m from Canada, so American politics don’t really affect me, but at times it’s interesting to read about them. Personally I’m not a politcal minded person though. I don’t know if 90% of the world are politically minded people, but wordpress seems to have a lot of political blogs, as stated above. Why? has it come into questioning that some people don’t care about politics as much as others. I to an extent care about politics, but why can’t we find a decent blog about music. I LOVE music, it’s a huge part of society as well. Not only does music talk about politics, but historical movements and many other things. I don’t know if people realize how amazing music is. Yeah there’s no doubt here that I probably sound like a teenage girl. Which of course I am, but that’s not the point. This blog really doesn’t serve a purpose. but for now It gets rid of some of my frustrations. thank you very much.
Getting way off topic
So I guess this will be one in many blogs, I really wish I had some sort of topic to write about, But I don’t. I really like writing long descriptive blogs, but they take forever to read.
I am currently going into the eleventh grade, and am hoping it’s a lot easier than the tenth, but somehow I doubt it will be. Some of the courses I am taking are, Dance 11, Woodshop 11, Social Justice 12, and Visual Media Arts 11. As well for academics, all the usual ones. Seeing as this year, I had so many electives, I figured I would have a little fun in choosing what I thought would be interesting. All of them are things I’m looking forward too, but dance especially, seeing as I cannot dance. I am such a horrible dancer it’s hilarious.
Summer has been amazing, I’ve had the time of my life lately, I have been hanging with a lot of friends. Some of my friends I really need to phone up and schedule a time where I could hang out with them. I now know what it’s like to be insanely busy. The one thing that’s missing from my summer is a great summer love, but i’m sure I’ll find one, sooner or later. This summer, i’ve done everything i’ve wanted to do. They say there are many first, but I now have experienced those “firsts” and hope to make SOME them my seconds. I’ve done a feminine overhaul on my wardrobe, got a new job, did a lot of crazy things, and I barely got any pictures to show for it, tehehe.
I’ve come to the strong conclusion that my blogs are way too long. and I’m sure if were one of you, i’d be bored as hell reading them. I think most of them are pretty blan, and redundant anyways. Love this, love that, you know how it is. At this point in time, i’m beginning to really hate love. I sort of feel like Janis Joplin. 
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Speaking of Janis Joplin, I recently picked up her “Greatest Hits” album, it’s really quite amazing. I’d also like to invest in Pearl when I get some money. Her music really speaks to me, more than a lot of artists I know, or even bands. I personally thinks she’s brilliant. Many people don’t like her for her scratchy, raspy voice, but I just can’t stop loving her music, it’s truely a jewel. Not only is she amazing, she drank a shitload of southern comfort and eventually started doing hard drugs like cocaine and heroine, and eventually ODed. (She’s not someone I would look up to as a positive role model in those ways…) but she fed strong amounts of emotion into her music, which was mainly about l0ve. I respect her a lot and look up to her, for her emotions and mindset. If you ever feel down and out, turn on some Joplin and just cry, cry Baby. You will definately feel 100% better.
I’ve totally gotten off topic here, and what more do I have to say, I guess i’ll leave you with a song called Summertime. One of my personal favourites, I believe it was recorded with Big Brother and The Holding Company, But I might be wrong. She was in three bands including, Big brother and the holding company, the full tilt Boogie band, and The Kozmic blues band. Not in that order I do believe.
Well, Hi. Guess What; I Want to Make Myself a Functional Part of Society.
Well, Hi, um soo….I have not written a blog in forever, and i’m thinking about starting blogging again, because it might do me good for English class, and such things as learning how to properly organize my thoughts. Which is something I didnt realize I had a problem with, until recently. Lately it’s been difficult for me to write essays and stuff, because my thought patterns seem so scattered and unorganized, and not only that, but a million things running through my head, trying to connect with each other all at once.
There’s about a gazillion things (Gazillion, is that a number?) going on, right now, in my head, and social life. Well a “gazillion” might be a bit of an exageration.
I’ve learnt so much about myself lately, it’s so strange for me, to obtain all of this knowledge, but i’m in a rut, because I don’t know what to do, to fix these flaws that I have…I want to fix them, and embetter myself as a person, but it’s difficult for me, to let go of the things I do have. With the flaws I do have, and the ways. I don’t know, if i’d be able to get a job, because I don’t quite fit societies mold. I’m always battling with good and bad, and masculin and feminine, and it’s weird. I think a lot of parts of who I am, progress and change more and more, throughout periods of time. I thought I knew exactly what i was back like maybe a year ago, but i’m always discovering something new about myself as a person.
The Person who pointed out these flaws to me, that I have, is nameless, and will remain nameless. He did put me down quite a bit, but I did learn a lot about myself. He even taught me things, that are sort of Idealogical. It’s difficult for me to explain this, here, without using his name, and sounding like a stupid gushing girl. I will say, even learning about myself, I learnt a lot more about a males mind structure, and Psychological structure, for example how they work, and what they think, and why they think that way. I’ve also become more analytical, of a mans actions, they still confuse me to no end, but im trying to understand their actions, and the impact of them on me.
The first thing I learnt, not only about myself, but about my current situation, is that, you as a person, cannot go back, you must propel yourself forward, and we all must make something of ourselves in this world, or we’ll have nothing to show for it. I Personally don’t know whether or not I’ll be successful in this lifetime, but I know if i push myself, I have the abilities to be more successful, because of my potential. I have the desire to accelerate myself, i’m not the smartest person, and really have no control over my upbringing, well technically I do, but thats another entirely different thing. I believe though, I can make something of myself, and will. I can’t quite envision it, but I know there’s something out there for me, I have a purpose, and we all have a purpose, but some of us, haven’t quite found this purpose yet, in the world.
Allthough there are many things, this person has taught me, that’s one of the things that i’d like to change about myself, I need to increase my drive, and motivation, I have the will power, and the abilities, I just need the effort.
He’s taught me a lot about my writing as well, and I learnt about my thoughts being scattered, as I mentioned above, and I really should fix that about myself. I have a creative mind, and I’m aware of that, because it’s shown throughout my writing, and my drawings, and my photography, and filming and the other things I do. In English I have a lot of problems writing essays because I cant figure out how to organize my thoughts, in a way where they make sense. I think this has to do with the fact that I have some great ideas, but I leave a lot of things out, and go back to them later, so it’s as though, I have to draft more things, but maybe it’s good for me. I feel like writing on here more often will teach me how to better organize my ideas without leaving things out, and help bring out my logic more.
The Deep down me, is kind of a skid kid, I guess you could say, I’ve never really fit in, and I’m a social reject. Thanks. There are many things, that I need to change about my physical and emotional appearance, and how I want the world to look at me. The world in a way, diverts its eyes to me, i’m sure, other than my friends, but I should look at the people that aren’t my friends, because they sort of show me the bad qualities of myself. At school, I tend to hide who I am, I don’t really know why, it’s confusing. You would maybe see half of me at school, not fully deeply who I am, maybe just the bad or good of me. On the outside, yeah I have some obvious talents, but it’s not anything that is really going to get much attention. but I just look trashy, and say stupid things, sometimes because I don’t know what to say. It’s really hard to say this stuff without making a dramatic sort of instance about this nameless person. I suppose i’m also shy and easily discouraged, which is something I cannot let bring me down as well. I have to learn to overcome my shy tendencies, and not get discouraged, so easily.
It may look as if i’m solving these problems and “flaws” that I find with myself, but really I don’t know what i’m doing, or am going to do about them, but i’m going to try and find a way to progress myself into adulthood, I’m 16 now, and i really should try and mature myself, for future benefits, of course. The reason the nameless person is remaining nameless, is because even if he saw this, he wouldn’t care, and he’d know it was him, but that’s not the point, I dont want to sound like a dumb girl, gushing over a guy, like all my blogs seem to sound like, so i’m trying to divert readers attention away from him, so that we can pay attention to the topics i’m presenting.
For now, I think that’s all i’m going to say, and have to say, i’m pretty tired, but if you’re willing to read this, kudos to you, because I hope my realizations make an impact on someone elses life goals, and choices. I plan on writing more about life choices, to be honest, and my english teacher showed us this article she got from here, and I found a lot of it to be very true, and I plan on making a blog about the article someone wrote, because I have a lot to say about it, and it’s also part of a writing assignment and currently fits with my life, and how things seem to be working out for me. So thanks for your time, and more to come.
Dumping some stress
I havent written in a bit, I guess I was just experiencing what life was going to throw at me, and its been great so far, i’ve been happy all week, all my problems have been at an easy state lately, and i’ve been getting a lot of male attention lately, and i dont know why. It’s kind of strange because i’m not use to this much male attention, but i guess it could be worse, apparently a guy wants to ask me out tomarrow, im thinking about it, but I think im going to say no. He’s a really nice guy, and he’s an absolute cutie, but I just dont really think I need a man right now, I’m a wreck. Not only that, but people don’t like the guy that much and like to beat him up, and beat his girlfriends up, I’m not really up for getting beat up. Everytime people beat his girlfriends up he comes after them. I just dont know with him, not only that but i haven’t seen him in a while, we used to talk a little more than we do, but then he got expelled so i couldn’t have talked to him if I wanted to. I don’t really understand why the guy likes me in the first place, I dont think im super pretty, or super feminine, im your typical tomboy, i didn’t know guys liked that…I do wear a little bit of make-up though because if I dont i look 12, and with my haircut the way it used to be I kinda looked like a dude so yeah.
i’ve been extremely stressed out lately more so, that I haven’t known what to do about it. I tried to ignore it, and ended up getting in a huge brawl with my mom tonight, not good. So much for ignoring it, but it builds and builds and i just have more and more to hold in because I dont have a lot of people i can talk to about it, one of my best friends kind of abandoned me a couple months back at school, and then my other one is a guy, and he was really immature and i couldnt talk to him about anything because he wouldnt be serious at all, which really pissed me off, and he expects me to trust him now, its going to take a while and he needs to realize it, he can’t just force it on me like he’s been doing. Thats not right…Last night me and him talked about an old friend of mine and it made me sad,I started crying.
Well this friend of mine Amber, we were goond friends at the beggining of the school year, she was redoing grade 9, i was in grade 9, so it all worked out-ish. Second Semmester, we were still pretty close and she told me in march that she was moving, and then from there started to break apart from me, i thought it was just because she was moving, but Jesse, (my friend who i’m still trying to trust), told me some stuff last night that nobody ever told me, and it pissed me off that i know now when i cant do shit all about it, i wished he had have told me before, because now im really upset about it. You just ditched a really good friendship and started skipping woodshop in second Semmester a lot, i thought it was because she didnt want to see me, I guess i was right, but lets get down to what Jesse said. He told me that she started to stop being friends with me because she couldnt talk to me about her problems and have me listen, instead of comparing my problems. I dont know why i do that, i’ve always done that for some strange reason…I didnt know she didnt feel as if she could talk to me at all though, he said she felt as if I wouldnt take her seriously. She was a very messed up girl, she had a lot of shit going on in her life too, but I didnt know what to do anyways, and i had my own shit to worry about, if i had of known i would have just listened i feel so stupid that something so simple could break up a strong friendship so easily. Amber was always a tough girl at school, Jesse was my best friend, but his emotions started to get out of hand, I was doing the cold shoulder thing with him because he wouldnt stop whinning, “my girlfriend broke up with me, im so sad” was all i’d ever hear, i’d be thinking in my head that he needed to stop being a pussy. Amber would sit there conforting him and it was really pissing me off…I really wish i could talk to Amber, but i cant because she moved far away, and she’s never online, and when she is, she wont talk to me.
Anyways, I keep thinking about Amber, and wishing i could have done something about it, because i couldnt talk to anybody about anything that was going on in my life for the last 3 months of school, it was horrible I was constantly depressed, but im really good at hiding my emotions, so good that only my closest friends can tell. Tonight, as i said above me and my mom got in a brawl, all because i was on MSN with Jesse and i started crying, because i was thinking about the shit with Amber, and she and my aunt wanted to know why i was crying i told them some shit, about my horomones changing lately, and i cant figure out who i am somewhat. (because my masculin and feminine sides are at war with each other and i dont know what i need to do, im starting to become more of a women, and starting to look more feminine face and body wise, but its all too confusing having all these guys hit on me and stuff…) and she told me i was crying about the stupidist thing allthough i didnt know that, because i’m just about on the verge of having a nervous breakdown, my social life is fucked up, lets see, my mom and i never talked to each other really, she’s always telling me how broke she is, and im starting to not be able to handle it anymore. I freaked at her, and my cousin mentioned that i should get into a baseball, but i dont like baseball, then he mentioned soccer, and i hate soccer, i wouldnt mind hockey, or rugby or football, those sports arent for wimpy baby pussies. I wouldnt hate soccer if preps didnt play it, thats pretty the only reason i hate it, that and i cant play very well. i started telling him i couldn’t play sports because my mom couldn’t afford to get me into it, but i said it in a blaming way and she got all mad and started yelling at me and telling me about all the bills and shit she had, and i just told her to shut up cuz i didnt want to hear it anymore. and she keeps treating me like a kid and I told her i was sick of it, I’m 15, she treats me like a kid, who doesnt know how to do anything, im capable of doing more than she thinks i am, i’ve been kinda lazy lately and ill admit it, but that has to do with all my stress that everyones making worse.
my little cousin was over on Monday and Tuesday and he’s really annoying, he always wants to know about my business and my friends and their habits, it’s really annoying. he slept over for two days, on top of him wanting to know about my friends, he thinks he knows everything, fucking 12 year olds, i wonder if they’re all like this. but i’ve been bitchy all day because of him, i didnt want to say that in front of my aunt.
getting to know me. My views on the government, music, and religion
I talk somewhat about me on my about page, but really what all do you know about me? okay so, firstly my name is Melanie, I am from British Columbia, Canada. I’m 15 years old. I’m a guitarist in a band called Narcisist, with my bassist Josh, and our back up guitarist Ben, we are currently looking for a drummer, I also do back-up vocals. We play garage rock and metal. I have blonde hair, but thats gonna change soon enough hopefully, actually im a natural blonde. I’m a big music person, you get me started and i wont stop, personally I dont think you should get me started i rant and rave for hours about music… I’m not like every other girl either, so yeah I might be blonde, what girl isn’t now a days? My hair is short, not long, and it is naturally blonde. I hate conforming it pisses me off that everyone has to look a certain way, I can look the way i want. If I want to wear old vintage t-shirts, and plaid 90′s shirts, and ripped up baggy jeans, why not? On a regular basis im an easy going person, not a lot can get me mad, unless you tried really hard, i do get mad, when people can’t calm the fuck down and take a joke though. I love children and hope to have two of my own someday. Pretty much 3/4 of my friends are guys because the girls in my city are fucking lame, all they can talk about is getting there nails done and what boy likes them this week…My guy friends would basically do anything for me, and really appreciate who I am as a person.
As for my beliefs, I do believe in god, and I dont care what any of you think, im not gonna push christianity on you or nothing, I believe in god, for the fact that i was raised penticost, i love my family, and it’s not for them that i believe, I myself choose to believe. I dont care if i listen to heavy metal it calms me down, i’ve always listened to rock music my entire life nothing new. I’ve been trying to find a decent church to go to but its been kinda difficult when you dont have wheels.
The Activist side of me
I am a huge anarchist, I hate the government with every part of who I am, all they do is cause trouble around this already crazy world. right now, they have raised gas so high in my province, that nobody can afford to pay for it, more people are taking the buses, making them crowded, so people like me who take transit every day are having to catch later buses, all because the government is trying to stop pollution, BC is already polluted and it was polluted before cars were around. There is nothing that they are gonna be able to do about it, polution had already taken its toll. Answer me this, before cars what was the “cause” of pollution?
Also the Olympics are coming to BC in 2010, and we are yet to clean up society. We have a ton of homeless people in Vancouver, that are addicted to drugs, and nobody seems to give a shit, okay maybe im exagerating slightly, people give a shit, but they never started to give a shit before this group of people walked around all the cities in the Lower Mainland, for about a week, and did some stupid homeless count, it’s bullshit that nobody gave a shit before, because like 3 months ago i was watching “Speakers Corner” which is a show on cable where they have these camera’s and you pay money and you get to talk about anything you want, and it gets aired on TV, anyways, im sitting there watching it like 3 months ago and all these people are like “Jeez there sure is a lot of homeless people in Vancouver”, and i’m sitting there like you’ve just noticed this now? What about the homeless people everywhere else? Secondly, what are they going to do about it, they haven’t done a damn thing yet, what the fuck is this carbon tax bullshit for? why not use our tax money to pay for more construction of homeless shelters so Vancouver doesn’t look like shit and the poor homeless people have to sleep on the streets? Personally I’d rather have my tax dollars go to something worth while, rather then them “decorating” the city parks, sure the city has to look nice, but why the fuck waste your precious time, building metal flowers because real flowers could get fucking stolen and people in Holland park were getting raped and mugged anyways. Why not just close the park down, its in a bad area anyways?…all they did was cut down some fucking trees, like thats going to help, oh yeah and they built a pond…
so those are my biggest pet peeves about the government and their stupidity at the moment, and you people are probably going to argue with me, because nobody can face the fact that everyone has different opinions than they do.
a long while ago I tried to become a vegetarian, but it’s really difficult to become a vegetarian when you’re a teenager and you live at home, and you have to eat whats being put in front of you. But I decided since god put the animals on this earth for people i might as well eat them, I suppose it’s better if you dont think about it though.
Megadeth-Symphony Of Destruction
Just like the pied piper <br>
Led rats through the streets
We dance like Marrionettes
Swaying to the symphony
Of Destruction.
